Story of a Muslim bride from Cambodia

[Sayfullah]

I was a new bride around the time I met a Cambodian sister. She was an elderly immigrant with no family except a nephew who lived in another city. Later she used to babysit my newborn son at times. One time she came over to my house and she was telling me about her husband, who had been killed by the Khmr Rouge regime that committed massive atrocities against the Muslims in Cambodia in the 1970's.

I can't recall how she drifted to talk about how to deal with a bout of anger from a husband (for sure I was not complaining about mine!). She spoke very little English; despite that she taught me a valuable lesson, one that I have yet to apply in full. She turned and pointed to the wall and said when her husband was in such a situation she used to remain silent-- "You don't fight with a wall!"
Someone might say, "Isn't this a sign of weakness"? Actually, it it is a sign of strength and wisdom--the strength and self-discipline not to fight back but to be patient with any harm inflicted, and the wisdom not to inflame the situation further. Most of the times what will happen is that he will feel bad having had this bout of anger, regret or apologize later, and you will have more leverage to shift the situation to what you desire. Even if he did not, your patience and good treatment of your husband, with the proper intention, will be greatly rewarded in the Hereafter. Patience and good manners pay off in so many ways!

" The strong is not he who conquers others; rather it is he who conquers his ego." The Prophet is surely truthful.

" ليسَ الشَّديدُ مَنْ غَلَبَ الناسَ ولكنَّ الشَّديدَ مَنْ غَلَبَ نَفْسَهُ"


Image is for a Cambodian groom making supplication before being joined by his bride in their wedding day. The majority of the Muslims in Cambodia are Maturidi ( ماتوريدي) and followers of the Shafi'i school.