Advice For a Happy Marriage!

[Sayfullah]

She says, " I wish he would listen to me". He says, " I wish she would stop talking".

Successful communication is crucial to a successful marriage. Effective communication does not entail talking to each other a lot. Jabbering, talking incessantly and trivially, decreases the quality of communication and the quality of time spent together.

Nagging is something many of us do without being cognizant of the negative vibe it spreads. When we nag, it alienates others--irrespective of what we are complaining about. It is not the habit of the highly righteous people to complain a lot or overly criticize, and we need to emulate the good people and follow the manners of our Prophet in as much as we can. The great companion Anas spent several years serving the Prophet. He said, "Not even one time did I do something, and the Prophet complained, 'why did you do it like that?"'.
In a marital relationship, successful communication is to apply the religious teachings--speaking if you have a beneficial thing to say or otherwise staying silent. Good communication entails discussing differences of opinion within the boundaries of the religion-- not for the sake of arguing, which is disliked, but for the sake of finding a solution that you both agree upon. It is to concede to the other whenever you can, because this is a trait that is praised in the religion. It is remembering that your spouse is a fellow Muslim that deserves to be treated well and spoken to with politeness and respect. It is remembering to say thank you and may God bless you when one does a good deed for the other. And no, he does not read your mind! So it's important to be clear about your preferences; don't say, "no" when you really mean "yes".
There are ways of effective communication other than verbal. The eyes can say a lot. A touch or a hand gesture can convey a feeling stronger than words at times. A smile can do a lot, especially If given with the good intention of following the sunnah--smiling to a fellow Muslim and bringing him joy.


Finally, listening is an integral skill in communication that most of us need to refine. Attentive listening is a process that requires patience and some degree of self-discipline that will signal to your partner interest, empathy, and compassion. Don't interrupt or finish the sentences of your spouse. Many times, because you don't listen properly, you end up with misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions that can lead to arguments.
Practice listening and good communication skills, and this will pay dividends in your marital relationship.